I can't do this anymore.

A moment of wondering if it was worth it. If the affection I gave you was worth it. The hurt I caused, coming back and wounding me far worse. I'm back to 2005. Right back. I regret. I regret being closer. To home, to you, to here. If I could, I would erase myself from the picture your mind creates. Because when you see me, what do you see anymore. Do you see who I used to be, or who I am struggling to become. Do you see that this is not easy for me. Do you see that I am trying. Trying to be disaffected, but I am far more affected than I ever could be. I don't want to go back 5 years. I don't want to look through misty eyes all day long, biting my cheek to make the pain in my mouth more evident than the one in my heart. I can feel your thoughts being flung at me and despite how I try to reject your disgust, my soul is punctured. Over. And over.

Try not to think.
Try not to feel.
Try not to say.
Try not to.
Try not.
Try.