Love that runs deep.

I was recently at an orientation for a job and the assistant manager says "okay, so to close" and I automatically thought we were going to pray. I seriously almost closed my eyes and bowed my head. Before the orientation I was talking to a girl I don't know who was also going to be doing the orientation and who had her first shift alone on cash the following day. I knew the feeling of fear of being on your own to do cash, it was coming to me soon, and I almost said "I'll pray for you". But then stopped myself. Would it have been rude? Or maybe awkward if I'd said that. Maybe she would have laughed. But there's one thing to be noticed. I had prayed earlier that day that God would help me to constantly be thinking of Him. And that's definitely what was going on. I feel like God is a part of my DNA almost. And I got to thinking. I am so lucky, so blessed, that I grew up learning to love God. Learning about him and how to live my life for Him. It came so naturally. I never once doubted that what I was learning and believing was false. For me to love God, is almost as natural as the seasons changing or the wind blowing. It just happens. And I get to thinking. People who are trying to love God and learn about him at a later state in their life, how hard that must be. How hard to have lived your life without Him, and to possibly feel angry at Him for past things. How hard it would be to really love God unabashedly. My heart goes out to these people. I cannot even imagine how hard that might be.

Keep Breathing.

Yesterday I had an awful dream. I went to bed frustrated, uncomfortable and in pain, and was in the same state in my dreams. I remember being flustered and frustrated as I tried to get somewhere because I promised someone I'd be there. As I asked people for help, everyone left me high and dry to fend by myself. I finally, after struggling for what felt like hours in my dream, got to the place I needed to go, only to find that everyone who I asked for help to get to this certain place were all there. I was so frustrated, but they seemed mad at me. Now as I write this, I realize this is a common feeling I have throughout my week. People letting me down and then I find out they just had bad planning skills, or were inconsiderate of anyone's feelings but their own and I feel like I have no right to be angry. But then,

The dream switches over to a house I don't know. I'm with people I know, but I can't make out their faces, I don't recognize them. All of a sudden, a man with a scruffy beard and a red t-shirt with a bunch of other people bring out guns and tell us to get into this little room. So there we are, all these people I know, but don't know, waiting to die. We knew we were going to die. We all decided we would stick it out together, but I turn my back for a second and the big group turns from 10 or so people to 3. One boy and one girl and me. All of a sudden the guy with the gun says he's coming in. We know we're about to die. I have this unexplainable feeling of horror and sickness. But I'm not freaking out. I'm almost relieved. It's time. It's okay, I'm ready. I think to myself. No more let downs, no more struggles and moments to fall short. But the guy with the gun never does come in, so the boy and the girl and I walk out, to see what's happened, and we find our killer sitting on the couch eating chips and watching t.v. where he then says "I was just kidding". Even death let me down.

All we can do is keep breathing.

Messages in a cap

"I wonder if I should give my mum a call" I wondered to myself as I walked home. I passed by a Jones bottle cap that looked as if it had a rough go of life. It was squished and dirty. I picked it up, turned it over to find it full of dirt. I stuck my white mitten in and wiped a little circle to see what it said.



Why can't a lot of answers in life be this obvious.